Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
