You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize