I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
