so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he shaved USA in his pubs
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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