My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Green mimosas i think yes
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
