If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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