Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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