Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
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Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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