There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
