how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
