TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
