I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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