omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize