I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
