five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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