Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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