Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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