Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
