I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
