she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Can I color on your dick again?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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