the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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