You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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