Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I want a musical about memes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
