also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
