I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
