Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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