hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
