I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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