He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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