Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
