I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
did i walk over a car last night?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
