Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
