Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
