so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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