well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
