im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
