Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
