Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
