Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
