I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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