Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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