What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
