3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
