so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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