i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
