I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
