I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
