You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
