Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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