I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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