I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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