I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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