He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My penis needs a shock collar
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
