It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
