I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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