I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
