I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
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The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days