I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever