woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize