he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
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Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
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I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.