im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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