Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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