Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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