Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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