You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
