I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
