i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I have post one night stand depression
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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