If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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