you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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