She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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