I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
