You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
