all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
