You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
