my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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