I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
