I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
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In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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