My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Of course I have a pirate flag
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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