you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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