M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
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Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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