She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
