Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
