She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
